The Real, Real YAP-Wars
A Borrowing of a Borrowing (originals by Cheese Whisperer and Neonman.)
Cheese: “Listen, Daveboy, you get your ass out of this hole and go scrounge us up some ammo, or I will shoot you myself!”
Dave: (laughing at Hiram's corpse) “... he blew himself up...he blew
himself up...all he has to do is reconstitute himself. If he wants to be
a possum that is his problem. Let's hang this on Gio!"
Nancy: “Oh, Cripe, Daveboy, Yes, Harry blew himself up! He always was an
ass, so quit gibbering like an idiot and scratch my back!"
Neon: (gleefully) “Hiram is a fraud and he says I am a lousy poet. How
can you believe a guy who says I am a lousy poet. Besides which we got
along really well, there was no conspiracy, I can define imaginary, but
plausible things as not so, because I am the arbiter of Yahoo reality, I
have forty more answers for those who don't believe these ones, I am
defending the innocence of his absence over and over because I am
completely uninvolved and have no remorse, besides which, who really
cares, I never really liked the guy, but we got along swell. Teapot
Dome- er I mean, Rosebud."
Lizzy: (dabbing at her flak-jacket–trying to soak-up some of Harry’s guts) “Neon! Why you ungrateful little...”
Shultzie: (pulls a knife and holds it to Neon’s throat) “That’s enough
of that, Charlie. One more word about H.H. and I’ll be taking your
gizzard home in a coffee can.”
Neon: (laughing) “Just as Daveboy says Harry could have 50 accounts and
be just like Peter and Dave and Me and Gio. Isn't that what this war is
about? Who will be the dominant vampire?"
Daveboy: (still dazed) “I never thought they would fight back, and against Harry? I'm much more vocal."
Cheese: “I tried to tell you bastards...the Greeks can be trusted. Would any of you listen? No.”
Nancy: "Peter isn't Greek!"
Cheese: (quietly) “Neon, you wanna tell her......or should I?”
Neon:
“Wonderful, lets blow the section up for just enjoyment, is that your
M.O., Cheese? Do what I do, make peace noises (while furiously emailing
people to take sides.) It's much more rewarding."
Nancy: (loudly) “What was that, Neon? Speak up!!!”
Neon:...(laughing) “Peter is not Gio Nancy, repeat what you said earlier, Peter is not Gio!”
Shultzie: “Oh for the love of god...”
Lizzy: “Shultzie, give me your knife...”
Neon: (quietly) "I don’t think you want to do that Liz."
Lizzy: (incredulous) “Oh??? And why is that?”
Neon: (in a rush) "Because another grenade just landed behind you! LOOK OUT!!!"
Lapiz: "There are no grenades, Hiram just made them up." (Neon, grabs the grenade, throws it back towards Dave.)
Dave: "I've survived a hundred of these" His avatar blows up and two take it's place.
Lizzy: “Jee Dang* (Pulls another tissue out of her sleeve and once again
begins dabbing) now I have to open my contacts again to reconnect to
Dave."
Nancy: "Weeeeee! This is fun! (claps hands) Who’s next? Cheesy?” (she’s obviously lost her mind, but not this week.)
CW: "Uhhh, who Chucked that one to start with? What the heck was he thinking?”
(Suddenly Sue drops into the foxhole and lands in a heap. she has a full
pack on her back and her hand is clutching the strap of a fifty-pound
duffle. “How you guys doing for ammo?”
Dave: (runs over to Ma, helps her to a sitting position) “Holy sh*t, Ma,
where the hell did you come from??? Did I hear you say you got ammo?”
(he doesn’t wait for her to answer...he unzips duffle and begins to
distribute full clips. (sounds of slides being pulled, clips being
slapped into position, murmuring, etc)
Sue: (a horrified expression) “Is...Is that Harry?” (points at H.H.) “Oh my God, that poor, poor boy...” (shakes head)
Lizzy: "Nah, that's just two more Dave avatars for the scrap heap. It's
starting to look like a Bukowski Holocaust Museum around here.
Sue: (glances across the lines) Hey that side is pretty thick with
Peters too. Looks like the lounge at the Simon Bar Sinister Convention.
Neon: (smiling) “See Cheese, that’s how you write a script.”
Cheese: (smiling too) “ Yes, take credit for my doing 90% of the work."
Neon: "Well how else can I write something that isn't mediocre?"
Cheese: (wiping his hands, taking the script walking away) “Arent you
the one who slammed Harry for doing parodies all the time?"
(Grand finale: The whole place blows up as Simon Bar Sinister and
Charles "Neonman" Quisling walk away. Nancy survives by wrapping herself
in so much extra verbiage no one can get through it, while Cheese
writes himself a way out as none of these suckers ever could. Dave comes
back as Aladdin and the Forty Avatars.)
Tragedy of Hate said it better than any of us:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhHhqydhL.xNYsuiqgt7vmOn5HNG;_ylv=3?qid=20120222053346AA03ID3
